"But they'll feel bad if we don't go!"
"Its just an extended family gathering, I'm sure it's fine."
Ah, the conundrum that is mixed gatherings. To go or not to go, that is the question!
Note: There's a small glossary at the bottom of this post for all you mzungus out there who can't tell the difference between a wiwa and walimo.
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So what do the scholars say?
Simple and straight, in gatherings where both sexes are expected to dress to impress, segregation between men and women with a barrier is to be observed.
Where mixed gatherings are allowed is in formal events like meetings, or when there is knowledge being disseminated. This is, of course, provided that hijab is observed.
Whether a partition like a barrier should be used or if it's okay for ladies and gents to simply sit in different sides of the room again depends on the situation.
Toronto's Syed Muhammad Rizvi has made a wonderful little chart regarding mixed gatherings. It's based on a series of discussions he had with Syed Sistani regarding mixed interactions between youths.
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| (click to enlarge) |
I really like this line from that World Federation document:
"Islam does not allow free mixing between members of opposite gender but it allows decent and sanctified interaction."
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Wiwas!
Who doesn't enjoy attending weddings?
What with the endless supply of artery-clogging mitai and the reuniting of old relatives from half way around the world, it's a great time for everyone.
But unfortunately it's usually at wiwas and the functions that come with them that the topic of mixed gatherings more often than not comes up.
Put it this way - when it comes to wedding functions, it's often the case that the ladies are dressed at their finest, and the men likewise. We've all seen it, shamelessly expensive clothes that make their first and last appearances at these functions.
So think about it.
If you put men and women together in a fancy hall with ambient lighting, add that little bit of 'halal music' that seems to be so fashionable today, and some kibao biryani and soda- all of a sudden you have a rather, what's the right word, loose social environment.
Thank God alcohol is haram.
Put it all together and you might come to the conclusion that our ulema weren't just being unnecessarily strict when they warned against such gatherings.
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Would the Prophet attend?
A simple litmus test to gauge for yourself whether or not a gathering is one that is halal or not is this - stop for a second and think to yourself, 'can I imagine the Prophet (saaw) being present here?'
I know I wouldn't be surprised if I saw him at a mixed gathering where Islamic politics was being discussed.
But for some reason, the thought of the Prophet showing up at an 'Islamic' wedding function where men and women from different families mingle freely is laughable.
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What to do?
If for you, religion comes before your family or friends, then don't go. And do that happily, knowing that your Lord and your Imam is pleased with you.
Congratulate the family on the occasion, and tell them, respectfully, that you don't take part in unnecessary mixed gatherings.
By attending, you're showing there's nothing wrong with events like that. There's no point going home after and discussing with your friends and family how un-Islamic XYZ's wedding was.
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Parting thoughts...
I realize I may have hit a nerve or two with this article so I'd like to apologize in advance if I've hurt anyone. I'd also like to clarify that this post isn't directed at a particular family or wedding.
So leave a comment. Send me an email. Tell me what you think.
Do I need to relax and enjoy the show more?
Who knows, maybe I do.
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Glossary:
mitai: Sub-continental sweets. More calories per square centimeter than the population of the Gaza Strip.
hijab: the physical and spiritual veil to be observed by Muslim men and women.
halal: allowed by religion.
haraam: disallowed by religion.
biryani: just the best dish in the whole world.
ulema: scholar, learned one.
kibao: the best, amazing, baap!
wiwa: wedding
walimo: reception/dinner after wedding
ummah: Islamic community
mzungu: non-Tanzanian, foreigner.
Very intriguing
ReplyDeleteGood food for thought!
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough call at the end of the day... Doesn't intention count for anything?
My dear Muhammad,
ReplyDeleteIt was high time somebody wrote about our community mixed gatherings
and I'm glad you made the move.
Mohamed Suleman Senior - your grandpa.
Hijab is not only wearing Head scarf , Hijab is of full body , no one in these days get attracted from a women 's hair , so Hijab should be fully exercised instead of just head covering which I call it Somali Hijab .
ReplyDeleteHijab is also from the scent of a women , You will agree here that in most animals the female emits a particular scent during the days of their reproductive season
Secondly , Men are asked to do hijab first in the aya of Quran , Syed Saleh Qazwini 's recent lecture in Hussaineya Al Batool can give you full insight of it
Men are asked to lower their gaze before Women are asked , Secondly , these days Women dress to impress for sure more then man , While they should only dress to impress their husbands but this is a reverse world of today , where what is required is ignored and what is not allowed is exercised with pride , What a Shame
Men and Women , both are pro creation and our Creator , Allah Subha Wa Tallah , made us that way , so wherever a Male sees a chance of increasing the creations , he will like to go with it , that's why there is a hijab , so that the society can be controlled , so that generations can be controlled in a decent way , which Allah wants from us , so that we stay as followers of Allah , followers of Risalat of Rasool Allah and the followes of Wilayat of Ameer ul Momineen and his 11 Sons .
Good article tough
Jesus clearly states in the Course that God did not create this world, and thus on this basis unaccompanied He is definitely different from the Judaeo-Christian deity. The biblical God is a dualistic creator of a physical universe that he creates by the articulated word, as noted in Genesis' first account of creation: "And God said, let there be ...... Thus, this world and all creatures came into existence as separated entities, existing outside of him. In effect, therefore, the biblical God creates by projecting a thought or concept outside himself, where it becomes a physical "reality," as witnessed, again, in the creation story in the Book of Genesis.ACIM Spiritual Community
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