KHARAB LAGSAAY (They'll feel bad)

"But they'll feel bad if we don't go!"

"Its just an extended family gathering, I'm sure it's fine."

"Everyone will be in hijab, so it's okay."

Ah, the conundrum that is mixed gatherings. To go or not to go, that is the question!

It's easily one of the biggest taboos in our communities today and in this post, I'd like to give my two dinars on it. I'll be drawing from what our scholars have said about the issue by referencing useful documents like this one.

Note: There's a small glossary at the bottom of this post for all you mzungus out there who can't tell the difference between a wiwa and walimo.

-----
So what do the scholars say?

Simple and straight, in gatherings where both sexes are expected to dress to impress, segregation between men and women with a barrier is to be observed.

Where mixed gatherings are allowed is in formal events like meetings, or when there is knowledge being disseminated. This is, of course, provided that hijab is observed.

Whether a partition like a barrier should be used or if it's okay for ladies and gents to simply sit in different sides of the room again depends on the situation.

Toronto's Syed Muhammad Rizvi has made a wonderful little chart regarding mixed gatherings. It's based on a series of discussions he had with Syed Sistani regarding mixed interactions between youths.

(click to enlarge)

I really like this line from that World Federation document:

"Islam does not allow free mixing between members of opposite gender but it allows decent and sanctified interaction."

-----
Wiwas!

Who doesn't enjoy attending weddings?

What with the endless supply of artery-clogging mitai and the reuniting of old relatives from half way around the world, it's a great time for everyone.  

But unfortunately it's usually at wiwas and the functions that come with them that the topic of mixed gatherings more often than not comes up.

Put it this way - when it comes to wedding functions, it's often the case that the ladies are dressed at their finest, and the men likewise. We've all seen it, shamelessly expensive clothes that make their first and last appearances at these functions. 

So think about it. 

If you put men and women together in a fancy hall with ambient lighting, add that little bit of 'halal music' that seems to be so fashionable today, and some kibao biryani and soda- all of a sudden you have a rather, what's the right word, loose social environment.

Thank God alcohol is haram. 

Put it all together and you might come to the conclusion that our ulema weren't just being unnecessarily strict when they warned against such gatherings.
 
-----
Would the Prophet attend?

A simple litmus test to gauge for yourself whether or not a gathering is one that is halal or not is this - stop for a second and think to yourself, 'can I imagine the Prophet (saaw) being present here?'

I know I wouldn't be surprised if I saw him at a mixed gathering where Islamic politics was being discussed.

But for some reason, the thought of the Prophet showing up at an 'Islamic' wedding function where men and women from different families mingle freely is laughable.

----
What to do?

If for you, religion comes before your family or friends, then don't go. And do that happily, knowing that your Lord and your Imam is pleased with you.

Congratulate the family on the occasion, and tell them, respectfully, that you don't take part in unnecessary mixed gatherings.

By attending, you're showing there's nothing wrong with events like that. There's no point going home after and discussing with your friends and family how un-Islamic XYZ's wedding was.

----
Parting thoughts...

I realize I may have hit a nerve or two with this article so I'd like to apologize in advance if I've hurt anyone. I'd also like to clarify that this post isn't directed at a particular family or wedding.

So leave a comment. Send me an email. Tell me what you think.

Do I need to relax and enjoy the show more?

Who knows, maybe I do.

----
Glossary:


mitai:  Sub-continental sweets. More calories per square centimeter than the population of the Gaza Strip.

hijab: the physical and spiritual veil to be observed by Muslim men and women.

halal: allowed by religion.

haraam: disallowed by religion.

biryani: just the best dish in the whole world.

ulema: scholar, learned one.

kibao: the best, amazing, baap!

wiwa: wedding

walimo: reception/dinner after wedding

ummah: Islamic community

mzungu: non-Tanzanian, foreigner.